I’ve never written a letter to you before, but desperate times call for desperate measures. You know that Christmas song that says “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth”? Well, I’m Victorian, so I still have my two front teeth. What I’d really, really, really like for Christmas Santa, is for Australia to be a little less shit. I don’t expect a miracle, I’m not asking for invincible, undefeatable, best team ever, just less shit. I don’t mind losing (that’s a lie, I can’t stand the thought of losing, especially to those South Afr, err, English pricks), but I’d like it if we could at least put up a bit of fight, and stop running around like headless chickens.
That would be really good Santa. I’ll leave really nice biscuits and lots of beer for you.
Lots of love,
PS – if you could wrangle an Ashes victory, that would be super nice too.